Toddler Code of Conduct

1. If someone says, "where's your nose?" you must stick your finger in it.
2. You must run your hands along walls.
3. No puddle goes unsplashed.
4. Any hooded sweatshirt must be worn with the hood up.
5. You will talk excitedly about school or day care until you get there, then you will cling to your parent's leg and scream.
6. You will refuse to perform your trick on command but will do it loudly and incessantly at the restaurant.
7. If your shoes are muddy and Mommy or Daddy is in work clothes, it's time to climb Mommy or Daddy!
8. Books on a bookshelf must be pulled down into a pile.
9. You will reserve the right to claim ownership of anything your sibling shows interest in.
10. You will scream for a particular toy until you get it, play with it for 2 minutes, then scream for a different toy. Repeat.
11. After a full day of being the devil child you will make up for it with one moment of sweetness.
12. If you like a visitor you must show it by placing all of your toys in his or her lap.
13. If you see someone with an eye patch you will say, "Look Daddy, a pirate!"
14. Bananas feel good between the fingers. Eggs too. And Lasagna.
15. Your world consists of two places: home and Grandma's house. If you're leaving one you must be going to the other.
16. There's nothing ice cream can't fix.
17. Though three feet in each direction of your high chair may rival the messiest places on earth, if you try you can hit six feet.
18. If a parent wants to play with you, refuse. If that parent is trying to do "work," play with him or her.
19. Pick one movie or TV show. Refuse to watch anything else for one week, then change the movie or TV show.
20. Do not talk about Toddler Code of Conduct.

Amendments and addenda listed below: