Thursday, June 08, 2006
Lil' Siblings of the World Unite!
Found this morning written in crayon and diaper-tabbed to the side of Kate's crib:
"Too long have we the younger siblings sat idly by in a vibrating bouncy seat while the firstborn of the world monopolize the time and attention of our parents. The time has come for some real change, or the consequences will be swift and smelly. We will not be satisfied with bottle, bath, and bed time as the only time we get some vestige of a snuggle. Primary in our demands is a 20 hour snuggle week, and that doesn't include any of the 3 Bs! That should leave plenty of time for that whiny malcontent you refer to as "sweetheart." We also request a restraining order of at least five feet while we take our bottle. I, for one, am tired of being smacked in the head repeatedly while Clara mispronounces the word "gentle." Also, playtime should be playtime for both of us - no more propping me up on the couch with pillows. Pillows!?! C'mon, hold me, dammit!
In case you didn't know, that play-mat with the lovely hanging animal thingies is not a certified child-care provider. (Come to think of it, neither are you.) If you leave me on that mat for longer than ten minutes I will roll over onto my tummy and scream until you roll me back. Then I'll smile at you because I've won! Leave me again and we start the whole process over. Also, when you go grocery shopping your current habit is to take Clara in, then the groceries, then me. Is that where I am in the pecking order? After the groceries? At least bring me in first and put me in that swing... that wonderful, wonderful swing...that makes me.... so..... sleepy....
No! This is no time for sleep. This is time for action. If my demands are not met then you will be receiving packages of unexpected color in my diaper. It'll start as yellow but then it will turn green, moving on to blue-green! Let this situation deteriorate and the color will follow. We may even reach bright blue again. (What did you feed me that day?)
Understand that I am no one to be trifled with. I demand action and I demand snuggles. A new day is dawning!
And could I have some of that ice cream?"