Friday, June 23, 2006

How many SAHDs does it take to change a lightbulb?

OK, Kate's asleep and Clara's watching Sesame Street. Time to make a pot of coffee... Hey, that lightbulb has been out for a month. Maybe I'll actually accomplish something today.

Clara (22 Months): What's that?
Me: It's a step stool.
Clara: What's that?
Me: A step stool.
Clara: What's that?
Me: It's a step stool, sweety. Can you say step stool?
Clara: What's that?
Me: ...
Clara: What's that?
Me: It's Elmo.
Clara: Melmo! Melmo! (walking away wagging her head) Melmo! Melmo! Melmo!

So, looks like I'll need a 60 watt bulb. I like that new Gnarls Barkley album. Man I hope the Cards get Pujols back soon. Now, where are those lightbulbs...

Me: Clara, what are you doing? Clara?
Clara: (Laughter)
Me: Oh, Clara. The tissue stays in the box. We do not pull tissue out of the box. I guess there's no more to pull out.
Clara: NOOO!
Me: Shhhhhh don't wake the baby. Look, there's no more to pull out.
Me: Shhhhh
Kate (4 months): WAAAAAAAAH!
Me: Dammit!
Clara: Dammit dammit dammit dammit

Great, she won't say step stool but she'll say dammit. Megan will love this.

Me: Here Clara how about you do some coloring while I get Kate?
Clara: Color!
Me: Here's a purple crayon.
Clara: (holding up the crayon) Pink!
Me: It's purple sweety.
Clara: Pink!
Me: Alright, whatever you say. I'm going to get your sister.

Man I need some coffee. Was I doing something?

Me: Oh, it's OK little one. There you go. You're happy now aren't you? Yes you are. Yes you are.

I'm an idiot. Pork chops sound good.

Me: How're you doing Clara?
Clara: Mmmrrph
Me: What's in your mouth? Wait, where's the other half of that crayon? Clara, why is your mouth purple?
Clara: Mmmrrph

How many times a day do I dig things out of her mouth? I didn't sign up for this. I thought I'd be watching Sportscenter all day. Is 10 AM too early for a beer?

Me: Here, Clara, play with these blocks while I get Kate situated.

Now what was I doing? Oh, that's right, making coffee...

Clara: Step stool!
Me: Oh yeah.


Anonymous said...

Because I know you and am in love with your children I can totally see this like a movie in my head while I read. What a treat. Thanks for the giggle today, I'm glad she learned dammit from you and not me! Have fun at the beach, write movies for me about that!

Michelle Etter said...

Okay you share one, I share one - I am going to teach Justin how to use a sippy cup. I get him situated in his highchair. Andrew is entertaining himself with his cars on the floor.

Me: Okay Justin, go ahead and suck on it
(chew chew chew slobber)
(one suck)
Me: Good Sucking! That's the way to do it.

Andrew gets interested in why there is praise & it's not directed to him, so comes over.

Me: Go on Justin, suck it. Andrew, tell Justin to suck on the cup like you do.

Andrew stares at Justin & me.
justin takes a few more sucks.


Andrew looks at Justin tries to grab the sippy cup from him.

Andrew: Andrew do it!
Me: No Andrew, that is Justin's cup

SMACK - Andrew hits my arm as I wrestle the cup away and give it back to Justin

Me: NO Andrew, we don't hit. What do you say to mommy.

Andrew stares at me.... thinks a little bit.....and says.....


Me: (trying not to laugh and give him the mean-mommy-death-stare) No Andrew, that is not what we say. What do you say to mommy?


GGRREEEEAATTTTT Just the sort of response I was hoping for. I guess now I have to find a way to deprogram him from 'suck it' and reprogram him to say 'sorry'. Good luck Joel!

Anonymous said...

I laughed 'till I cried!!! I wasn't a SAHD but you've given me a new appreciation for my wife...think I'll take her out to dinner tonight!

Joel Bittle said...

A couple of people have told me that comments they posted didn't come through. If that happens, send me an email and I'll try to fix it.

Oh and Michelle,


Brooke said...

Michelle: Best laugh I've had all day! Thanks!

Wait until she goes to Grandma's and uses dammit clearly and contextually! Heh.

If you've been up since 0600 with the kids, then 1000 is NOT too early for a beer!