Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Stay-at-home dads: what to do with your man-gifts...

So your loved ones were torn on what to give you for Christmas. Should they get you something particularly masculine but doomed to collect dust on the shelves or should they risk emasculating you by giving you something you might actually use on a day to day basis, like cookbooks, or days-of-the-week pajamas, or earplugs (props to those who gave me beer for Christmas.) Most people will avoid any chance of insulting us stay-at-home dads so many of us find ourselves with gifts we won’t be able to use until our children give us a moment’s peace. I’m here to help you find uses for your man-gifts.

Tool Belt – The best SAHD man-gift possible. This gem can be used for dads with babies (bottle, pacifier, wipes, diapers, burp cloth, rattle, air freshener, tongs) or older kids (crayons, boxes of raisins, first aid kit, change of underwear, baggie of legos, sunscreen, juice cup.)

Chainsaw – Since it is used outside, the chainsaw carries the added bonus in that your neighbors will think you actually get manly work done outside, when in fact you are probably carving your way through your kids’ most annoying toys. Baby’s First High Pitched Scream Bot? History. Speak and Spell and Whistle and Chirp and Beep and Flash and Cause Seizures? Slag.

Fishing Pole – An idea from the St. Louis Magic House: Attach a magnet to the end of your fishing line and place small metallic objects in your back yard for you and your child to cast to and “catch.”

DeWalt Heavy-Duty 12 Inch Double-Bevel Sliding Compound Miter Saw – Who are you kidding? You don’t even know what this is.

Golf Clubs – 3 words: Dog poop relocation.

Plasma Television – Unless you want your toddler to use his new hammer on it or your teenager (or you?) to risk losing her grip on her Wii-mote you better keep this in its box or just return it altogether.

Random gadgets – Kids are easily hypnotized by anything small, flashy, and beepy. Keep your new random gadget (I got an idog) handy for when one of them is acting up in a public place. Turn it on, show the child, and back slowly to where you want the child to go. He or she would follow the gadget off a cliff.

Home Depot Gift Card – This is a tough one because you will be tempted not to insult and emasculate yourself, and probably walk away with the Home Depot equivalent of racing stripes on a car, cool and manly but ultimately useless. Some useful purchases for us SAHDs range from sand for the kids’ sandbox to materials for a new toy chest.

Your ideas?

2 comments:

Jenna g said...

You are hysterical!! I love the golf club use comment. Eric Cope is one of our great friends from his time in CO.

Kudos to you for seeing the blessing it is for your children to have a stay at home parent.

My husband works for the same company as Eric's wife and has the joy of being home a lot!!

The influence of a father is so wonderful and often underated and overlooked by the world, but I'm so thankful for Dad's who are involved!

Loved your blog!
Jenna

Craig Scales said...

Hey,

This is going to be blast from your Chaminade past. Remember Markus Johnson? Markus and I were in your class the last year you taught. He found your blog a few weeks ago and introduced it to me. Even though we are the most feared of the seniors in the high school hallway, I don't think he has gathered his moxie up enough to post a comment here yet. Anyway, I wanted to say hello and show you this website that I heard about on KSDK; it made me think of you. I was going to give this website to my mom as part of her gift on Mothers' Day. When I saw the SAHD section of the website, I remembered that Markus told me you had a blog and I made this post. I hope you find it interesting! By the way, to make my comment some what related to the blog post... I love the comment about the miter saw.

http://swz.salary.com/dadsalarywizard/layoutscripts/dswl_newsearch.asp

-Craig